Endigar 1106 ~ Amends to My Body
To my body—
the vessel that has carried me through every season of my life.
I recognize that I have often treated you as an obstacle rather than a companion.
I judged your needs, mistrusted your signals, and sometimes punished you for simply being human.
For this, I am sorry.
I apologize for the times I neglected your strength and endurance—
when I abandoned discipline in movement and allowed inertia to weaken what was meant to grow strong.
I apologize for confusing suffering with holiness,
for practicing mortification instead of care,
for believing that denying you was somehow pleasing to God.
I apologize for feeding you substances and habits that dulled your clarity—
excess sugar, compulsive stimulation, and chemical escapes
that masked pain but left you burdened.
I apologize for the moments I ignored your rhythms of rest and renewal,
pushing you toward collapse or leaving you unused and stagnant.
I apologize for the shame I placed upon you—
for seeing sexuality as contamination instead of energy that required wisdom and stewardship.
I apologize for risking your health through reckless fasting, cutting, or spiritual desperation,
as if you were merely an instrument for forcing a divine response.
None of these actions honored the covenant between body and soul.
What I Understand Now
You were never my enemy.
You were the messenger of fatigue, hunger, vitality, and longing.
You carried my breath when despair tried to suffocate it.
You endured my experiments, my confusions, my wars of spirit.
Even when I misused you, you continued your quiet labor—
heart beating, lungs filling, muscles waiting to move again.
For this perseverance, I thank you.
My Amends Going Forward
I commit to treating you as a partner in my life rather than a battlefield.
I will strengthen you through regular movement and honest effort.
I will nourish you with food that sustains rather than numbs.
I will give you rest when you need it and discipline when you require challenge.
I will seek balance rather than martyrdom.
I will allow physical training to be an act of gratitude rather than punishment.
I will honor sexuality as energy to be directed wisely, not suppressed with shame or indulged without care.
I will remember that the spiritual life does not require your destruction—
it requires your cooperation.
I will listen more carefully to the signals you give.
Pain, fatigue, hunger, and desire will be invitations to awareness rather than triggers for judgment.
A Closing Acknowledgment
My body, you are not merely matter.
You are the living ground where thought becomes action,
where breath meets spirit,
where life itself unfolds moment by moment.
From this day forward, I choose partnership with you.
Together we will learn strength again.
Together we will rediscover rhythm.
Together we will live the remainder of this life with greater respect for the miracle of being alive.
Daily Reprieve 
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