Endigar 959
From Courage to Change of Jul 19:
Al-Anon taught me the difference between walls and boundaries. Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside. Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removeable, so it’s up to me how open or closed I’ll be at any given time. They let me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself. Today I can say, “No,” with love instead of hostility, so it doesn’t put an end to my relationships.
I’ve learned about boundaries from Al-Anon’s own set of boundaries: the Twelve Traditions. Although their purpose is to protect Al-Anon, they actually encourage the growth of the fellowship. This is true of my personal boundaries as well. As I decide what is and isn’t acceptable for me, I learn to live protected without walls.
Today’s Reminder
Do my defenses keep me safe, or do they isolate me? Today I can love myself enough to look for healthier ways to protect myself, ways that don’t close everyone out.
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~ Joseph Fort Newton
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Note: Joseph Fort Newton (1880–1950) was an American Protestant minister and a prominent Masonic author. Newton authored a number of Masonic books, including his best-known works, The Builders, published in 1914, and The Men’s House, published in 1923. Does anyone else sense the irony of a Mason speaking on the problems with “building walls” while finding fulfillment in the closed and often secretive society of Freemasonry? Hmm…
Perhaps there is some validity to Oscar Wilde’s words; “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
How often have I desire to build a safe fortress and found I was locked into a self-made prison. There was a time when I thought strength meant building walls—thick ones. Emotional, relational, even spiritual walls. I thought they would keep me safe. But what they really did was isolate me, cut me off not just from others but from myself. I couldn’t breathe behind those bricks. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t trust. And I mistook that numbness for safety.
Al-Anon helped me see another way. It didn’t tear the walls down for me—it showed me the door. The path to boundaries instead of barricades. I can see that boundaries are different. They’re alive. They breathe with me. They give me the dignity of choice: how open I want to be, how much to let in, how much to let go. Boundaries don’t shut down connection; they make it possible.
Learning to say “No” without rage or shame has changed my relationships—and not just with others. My relationship with myself has opened. I don’t have to punish others to protect myself, and I don’t have to punish myself to keep others close. That’s grace in action.
I agree that there is hard earned wisdom in the Twelve Traditions. They can model what healthy boundaries look like in community. They’re not there to limit love—they’re there to hold it. In the same way, when I honor my personal boundaries, I’m not making myself smaller. I’m making space for who I really am to grow. I’m not building a fortress. I’m building a home.
Today, I live protected—not walled in.
Daily Reprieve 
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