Endigar 956
From Courage to Change of Jul 16:
One of the wonderful, but unexpected, benefits of working the Al-Anon program is learning how to relax. Until now, most of my life sped by in a frenzy of activity. School, work, projects, obligations, all helped me focus outward. That way I didn’t have to rest long enough to feel how frightful my home life was.
There is nothing wrong with working hard and producing results, but I was abusing these activities. They were socially acceptable ways to deny my feelings. Both family and society supported my hiding behind the until, beaten down and exhausted, I reached the doors of Al-Anon. By that time I couldn’t have relaxed if I had wanted to – I didn’t know how it was done.
In Al-Anon it was suggested that I would not treat anyone as harshly as I treated myself. I would never ask someone I loved to go without rest, never letting up, and never having any fun. But that was exactly what I asked of myself. My Sponsor helped me to learn what gave me pleasure and how to take it easy. Now, relaxation is part of my daily routine.
Today’s Reminder
Hard work can be terrific, and my activities can be highly rewarding. But I am striving for some balance. Today I will look at how I spend my time, and set some of that time aside to relax.
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ~ Bertrand Russell
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I feel the truth of the workaholic in Al-Anon radiating in a parallel corridor of my own experience. Though I didn’t charge through life with frantic busyness, I know what it means to run—from pain, from fear, from the echo of a home that never felt safe. For me, the flight path wasn’t external; it was inward. My escape wasn’t tasks or schedules—it was daydreams, isolation, inner worlds spun so intricately that they became sanctuaries… and cages.
They say in Al-Anon that the tools of survival often become the tools of self-harm. I can see that now. Just as the non-stop laborer used overwork to numb their feelings, I used imagination and withdrawal. What felt like relief in the moment became another form of bondage. There was no room to feel—only to avoid.
I also didn’t know how to relax. Not really. Because true relaxation means safety, and safety wasn’t something I ever learned to trust. In a way, “taking it easy” felt like giving up control—and control was the only rope I thought I had.
Al-Anon didn’t just hand me a new way to live—it gently questioned the old way, the only way I thought was available. Slowly, with the help of a Sponsor and the shared courage of others, I began to see that rest was not laziness, that pleasure was not selfish, and that tenderness, even toward myself, was not weakness.
Today, my version of relaxation may look a little different. Maybe it’s a quiet cup of tea, a favorite book, a walk where I let myself feel the wind. Maybe it’s just breathing without needing to be somewhere else—mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Maybe it’s allowing the moment to hold me instead of always needing to hold it together.
Recovery gave me this: permission to be a human being instead of a human doing—or in my case, a human hiding. That’s a gift I never saw coming.
Daily Reprieve 
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