Endigar 937
From Courage to Change of Jun 28:
I always felt that my loved one’s drinking was a terrible reflection on me, and I worried about what people thought. One day he told me he wanted to get sober. I was elated for a day, until his next binge. Then I was devastated.
Some months later, my loved one finally did go to AA. Two days later, the drinking began again.
The most important thing I’ve learned in Al-Anon since then is that my well-being cannot depend upon whether or not the alcoholic drinks. His behavior is not a reflection of me, it’s a reflection of his disease. However, my behavior is a reflection of e, and I owe it to myself to pay attention to what it has to tell me. I have to take care of myself. I have to accept that alcoholism is a disease which can be arrested but not cured. Many alcoholics make a number of attempts at sobriety before actually getting sober; others never do. My life is too important to waste waiting for someone else’s choices, even when it’s someone I dearly love.
Today’s Reminder
No matter whether the alcoholic in my life is drunk or sober, the time to put energy into my own recovery is right now.
“Al-Anon helped me to focus my attention on what I could do about my situation, instead of concentrating all my attention on what I thought the alcoholic should do. I was the one who had to take a stand. “ ~ . . . In All Our Affairs
END OF QUOTE—————————————
There was a time when every relapse felt like a personal failure. I didn’t just worry about my loved one drinking again—I worried about what it said about me. What it meant about the life I was trying so hard to hold together. When they said they wanted to get sober, my heart lit up with hope. I thought maybe this time. But when they drank again the soon after, that hope collapsed like a house of cards, and I was left sifting through the debris of my expectations.
That wasn’t the last time I rode the rollercoaster. Each time they tried to quit, I held my breath. Each time they drank again, I felt like the bottom dropped out of my world. I thought if I could just do something differently—love harder, control better, explain more clearly—it would finally stick.
But Al-Anon slowly began to offer me a different way.
It didn’t happen all at once. But little by little, I came to understand that someone else’s drinking or using is not about me. It’s not a verdict on my worth or my effort. It’s not even about love. It’s a disease. And that disease has its own grip, its own voice, and its own timeline.
That realization was painful—but also incredibly freeing.
Because if their behavior is not a reflection of me, then I can stop living as though my life is on pause until they change. I can stop making their sobriety the condition for my peace. I can start paying attention to my behavior. To what I need. To what my own reactions are trying to tell me.
I’ve learned that self-care in this context isn’t negatively selfish. It’s survival. And more than that—it’s a spiritual responsibility. I can’t make him sober. But I can choose, every day, to be sober from the chaos, the obsessing, the waiting, the rescuing.
Recovery is not just for the alcoholic/addict. It’s also for those who love the alcoholic/addict.
And my healing doesn’t have to wait for anything. Not another promise, not another slip, not another “I swear I’ll change.”
The time to recover is now—because my life is too sacred to live in limbo. I am not responsible for another’s sobriety. I am responsible for my serenity. Now I am free to ask, “What in me is asking for care, now that I’m no longer waiting on someone else to change?”
Daily Reprieve 
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