Endigar 694 ~ Convincing “Mr. Hyde”

From the Daily Reflections of February 8;

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That’s the place so many of us A.A. oldsters have come to. And it’s a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconscious — from which so many of our fears, compulsions, and phony aspirations still stream — be brought into line with what we actually believe, know, and want! How to convince our dumb, raging, and hidden “Mr. Hyde” becomes our main task.  (The Language of the Heart, page 237)

Regular attendance at meetings, serving and helping others is the recipe that many have tried and found to be successful. Whenever I stray from these basic principles, my old habits resurface and my old self also comes back with all its fears and defects. The ultimate goal of each A.A. member is permanent sobriety, achieved One Day at a Time.

 

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The Word of the God of my understanding (GOMU) comes to me by three primary paths. One path is the written word, because these are words that stay and stand for future review. I can reference them again and again. Every centralized religion has captured such words from the God of their understanding. The AA Fellowship has the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” There are other collections of written words that also act to inspire me to live and connect.

Another path for this Word of Gomu to come to me is the spoken word of Intuitive Guidance. There are many methods in many spiritual pursuits that offer guidance in connecting with this most intimate form of Word. I make use of several different approaches with varying success.

“…we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87)

Finally, the Word of Gomu is written in me. My birth was an expression of my Higher Power and the only way I gain access to this communication from the Universe is to truly know myself. To thine own self be true. When I use the tools of recovery for sanity-restoration, I can discover what my true heart’s desires are. This knowledge grows in connection with Gomu. These heart desires are the most relevant scripture in recreating my life.

“Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 45)

This dilemma of powerlessness predated my active alcoholism. I began my life here dependent on greater powers to fulfill my basic desires, and as I grew into a man, the God-inscribed desires in my heart became a source of frustration when I was unable to fulfill them. My strategy was to eliminate whatever I viewed as weakness in me, to commit suicide on the installment plan. This process of exterminating my weakness is my Mr. Hyde. His domination of my life was greatly assisted in my alcoholism. Once Jekyll drinks the potion, there is no negotiating with Mr. Hyde.

The only way that I can convince Mr. Hyde to relent, to prevent him from coming back with miserable persistence until he wins the day, is to demonstrate that I have found a Power greater than myself that will help me give birth to the Word of God written within me. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has been pointing the way for me, and that is a big reason why I keep coming back to the rooms.

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