Endigar 680 ~ Rigorous Honesty

From the Daily Reflections of January 26;

Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect — unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 24)

I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it’s really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober?

 

END OF QUOTE

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Alone and caught in introspective darkness, I turn off the hologram of life’s complexities and take a peak at the basic gridwork of my organic life. My time here on planet Earth is a game I play without knowing the rules. I see three default parameters to this game; Self, Sex, and Death. No matter how I play, I am wired to respond to these three basics. The Self parameter explores the internal scribbling of the Universe in me. The more attune I am to the awareness of my true Self, the better I will play this game. The Sex parameter pushes me to connect. It is the essence of all social constructs and all binding relationships, both organic-physical and energy-spiritual. The Death parameter prunes life of the frivolous and reinforces what I see as truly important. When I play the game badly, Self becomes isolating weakness, Sex becomes a destructive predator, and Death becomes a haunting source of fear. Alcoholism is a self-defeating cheat to the game.  As an alcoholic, I have to train myself to play the game better.

There are two other parameters that are not defaults but are responsive to my will. They are Spirit and Work. It is prerequisite to respond to the three default parameters before actualizing these two will parameters. Spirit is the exploration of my eternal state that lives on past my organic structure. Work is my investment into the organic collective of my species. How well I have mastered the three defaults will decide the nature of my impact on the organic collective, this beautiful nest for our eternal community, the invisible cloud surrounding us.

I do not fear the questions of this program. I want to play the game to the best of my ability. The recovery program of AA has given me the opportunity to live without looking for a self-defeating cheat.

 

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