Endigar 672 ~ Would a Drink Help?

From the Daily Reflections of January 18;

By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 23).

When I was still drinking, I couldn’t respond to any of life’s situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinking — or again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery.




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What does it mean to be aware of my alcoholism?  To me, it means that I must be aware that the disease is constantly working in me, whether I feel it or not.  If I do nothing to explore and expand my spiritual life, the fatal progression of manifested short-comings and acidic fears will eat away at me until I drink again.  My Higher Power cannot be a concept to tickle my imagination from time to time.  I have to develop an interactive relationship with the God of my understanding (Gomu).

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