Endigar 625 ~ Serenity

From the Daily Reflections of December 2;

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . .  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 106)

As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn’t sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come “. . . as the result of these steps.” The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, practicing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone.





 NOTE:  CLICK THE IMAGE if you would like to know why I used this image of Michael Corvin in his hybrid state when talking about a spiritual awakening.

My spiritual life began long before I activated my alcoholism or sought recovery from that hopeless state of the resulting spiritual bankruptcy.  As a child of seven I responded to the evangelical call to turn my will and my life over to the Lord Jesus Christ.  As a child, as a teen, and ultimately, as a young man I was water baptized.  I was a very wet Christian.  By the age of 21, I had read the Bible from cover to cover, and a short time later I experienced what I believed to be the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, and eventually spoke in tongues.  For a short period of time I was ordained to minister, and then renounced that ordination.

The chaos storm began to unfold in power as my religious expression became more empty.  I experienced the death of my pre-born infant son.  I experienced divorce and the kidnapping of my children by my wife lost in a PTSD nightmare stoked by a religious witch-hunt. Finally, the complete evaporation of my faith left me a desolate soul.  I started drinking because I did not want to commit suicide.  In a few years the disease would consume me and my will was inadequate to stop me from self-destructive drinking.  I was too selfish to become a weeping martyr and so I sought help while in the military.

Two rehabs, and many, many meetings later I began to piece together a spiritual faith (or disciplined intuitive knowing).  I started this blog as I floundered about in the process.  I knew the power of religious control to hijack a potent spiritual awakening.  I am resistant and wary when members find religion and try to improve AA with the “Big Big Book.”  I discovered thirteen saving heresies in the 12 Step program that kept me coming back.

In early sobriety I experienced the death of my step-son to an overdose.  I experienced the death of my mother.  I have often ridden in the relapse rodeo.  My spiritual re-awakening is seasoned with caution.  I have seen how addictive spiritual experiences can be.  I prefer the practical morality to ground the pursuit of recovery magic.  Living in this balance with serenity is my 12 step spiritual awakening.  I no longer feel ignored by Gomu (God of my understanding) or useless to my fellows.  I am no longer alone.  My fear grows weaker.  My life becomes more potent.

QUALIFICATION:  I respect the very real possibility that religion may have positive things to offer and that the greatest path for some individuals may include religion.  The religion I despise is that which is anti-human and does not honor the free will of the individual.  Dominance without consent is predatory.  The duress of an eternal hell robs individuals of the ability to consent and makes God a sociopath.  I see nothing useful in such an approach in a free society.  Theocratic fascism must fall for individual freedom to rise.

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