Endigar 534 ~ Finding “A Reason to Believe”

From September 2nd’s Daily Reflections;

The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development.   (As Bill Sees It, page 171)

A line from a song goes, “. . . and I look to find a reason to believe . . .” It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I went out and drank again. Someone told me: “You don’t have to believe.  Aren’t you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?” When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, “I am willing. . . ,” I am using the key that leads to action, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life.

END OF QUOTE

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thomas-merton

Early in sobriety I was seeing a counselor, looking for some resolution to my acceptance issues.  In all my verbal splashing about he observed, “you really want to believe.”  The desire to be able to trust a Gomu (God of my understanding) was still there fighting for life.  The counselor gave me a prayer that appealed to me in its genuineness;

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

(Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude)

Note:  I realize that I got the 2nd and 3rd mixed up.  Sorry about that.

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