Endigar 521 ~ Seeking Emotional Stability
From Yesterday’s Daily Reflections;
When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 116)
All my life I depended on people for my emotional needs and security, but today I cannot live that way anymore. By the grace of God, I have admitted my powerlessness over people, places and things. I had been a real “people addict”; wherever I went there had to be someone who would pay some kind of attention to me. It was the kind of attitude that could only get worse, because the more I depended on others and demanded attention, the less I received.
I have given up believing that any human power can relieve me of that empty feeling. Although I remain a fragile human being who needs to work A.A.’s Steps to keep this particular principle before my personality, it is only a loving God who can give me inner peace and emotional stability.
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Gomu (God of my understanding) is the God of the Result, the God of the Big Picture. I am the embryonic God of Task Performance, being trained to turn courage into action, discarding guilt for serenity. I cannot be a child of the Infinite Father and not have the divine flowing through my veins. I am not a fully developed deity and will not pretend to be one by demanding control over the results of living life. The reality of being a godling exists only in my connection to the One that loves me. In disconnected isolation I am a needy stillborn parasite moving from one hapless host to the next. It seems to me that all this is the design of Gomu. Today, I accept that.
Daily Reprieve 
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