Endigar 515 ~ “I Had Dropped Out”

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have “harmed” other people. What kinds of “harm” do people do one another, anyway? To define the word “harm” in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 80)

I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, “I really haven’t harmed many people, mostly myself.” But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from you—it was that simple. People hadn’t done what I wanted them to do and intimate relationships were out of hand because of my partners’ unreasonable demands. Were these “sins of omission”? Because of my drinking, I had “dropped out”—never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships.

END OF QUOTE

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I have heard it said in the rooms that when we are first getting sober, the greatest service we can offer is to quit hurting other people.  It seems to me that this is a kind of dropping out.  There have been times when I have attempted to push my way into relationship situations to ‘fix it,’ only to make things worse.

There were times that my altered state of mind, caused either by drinking or craving, made it better for everyone if I dropped out for a bit.  As Gomu (God of my understanding) began to restore me to sanity, I have had to learn how to reconnect.  When I look in the mirror, I want to see a man with the strength to be truthful and forthright without recoil from compassion.  I would like to see that same powerful reflection in the eyes of the intimate members of my life.

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