Endigar 455 ~ Fear and Faith

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all react to this emotion — well or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived will claim perfect freedom from fear.   (As Bill Sees It, page 263)

Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I’m experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith — and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Power — helps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free.

END OF QUOTE

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I think it is a mistake to apply an emotional litmus test to the quality of my life.  The fear flag in my gut could be accurately warning me of imminent danger.  It makes no sense to attempt to eliminate a primal emotion that has aided in the survival of my species.  The silencing of emotion to gain control and power in my life is a typical strategy of my psyche when my alcoholism is active.

I seek freedom from fear as a dominating force in my life.  As a servant it has value, but as a master it will ruin me.  I must learn how to process my fears without becoming enslaved by them.

Fear that appears to have no true source or that exaggerates a threat or points to an imaginary one are the most useful to me as a recovering alcoholic.  I believe these fears point out times and issues that separate me from the realm of the Spirit.  When I realized that being separated from my Higher Power is a legitimate threat, then my fear list from the moral inventory becomes a practical guide to ways I can improve my conscious contact with Gomu (God of my understanding).

For me, faith is an intuitive knowing that accumulates evidence after or while performing action.   My goal is not to master my fears as much as it is to feed my faith at the expense of my fears.  In this way fear becomes a great servant leading me to the power of faith.

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