Endigar 426 ~ “Happy, Joyous, and Free”

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 133)

For years I believed in a punishing God and blamed Him for my misery. I have learned that I must lay down the “weapons” of self in order to pick up the “tools” of the A.A. program. I do not struggle with the program because it is a gift and I have never struggled when receiving a gift. If I sometimes keep on struggling, it is because I’m still hanging onto my old ideas and “. . . the results are nil.”

 

END OF QUOTE

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My social anxiety is building up once more, pulling on me, whispering seductively, “Hide.”  Last night at a late night meeting this very section of the Big Book was read for topic discussion.  My mind was fogged by a sense of being alone in the crowd.  So many times I have given into these anxieties and allowed myself to be relegated to a Meeting Lurker.

I think that Gomu (God of my understanding) is making an offer, if I will push through and continue to connect.  Life does not have to be a vale of tears, and being happy, joyous, and free is not a frivolous life.  I do not have to be in mourning to be taken seriously.  There is great depth to a genuine smile.

Give freely to others what I am seeking.  Breath deep and trust the process.

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