Endigar 417 ~ We Forgive . . .
From Today’s Daily Reflections;
Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 58)
What a great feeling forgiveness is! What a revelation about my emotional, psychological and spiritual nature. All it takes is willingness to forgive; God will do the rest.
END OF QUOTE
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I do not know if I should share my truth with you today. Maybe I should wait until I re-finish the fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh steps and hope that I have something better to say.
I AM RESENTFUL AT: God
THE CAUSE: The death of my infant son Josiah, and my grown son, Zach. It personalized what I feel are crimes against humanity.
AFFECTS MY: Everything; Self-Esteem, Pocket Book, Personal Relations, Ambition. It affects my sobriety. (FEAR)
There is a movie called God on Trial and I remember one quote in particular; “God is not good, he has only been on our side.”
How do you trust God to help you forgive God? My solution has been to use my imagination to hide this anguish away and embrace GOMU (God of my understanding). I think this is why I feel the need to permanently remove my father-heart from my chest, get a transplant and become like the Sociopathic Deity who finds a benefit in the murder of his own son and the condemnation of all humanity to eventual death.
Maybe I am in a place where I can deal with this now. I really don’t know.
I hope you will forgive me for not being able to stay quiet. If I find a solution to this dilemma, I will be quick to share that as well.
Daily Reprieve 
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