Endigar 390 ~ New Soil . . . New Roots
From Today’s Daily Reflections;
Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves. (As Bill Sees It, page 173)
I came to A.A. green – a seedling quivering with exposed taproots. It was for survival but it was a beginning. I stretched, developed, twisted, but with the help of others, my spirit eventually burst up from the roots. I was free. I acted, withered, went inside, prayed, acted again, understood anew, as one moment of perception struck. Up from my roots, spirit-arms lengthened into strong, green shoots: high-springing servants stepping skyward.
Here on earth God unconditionally continues the legacy of higher love. My A.A. life put me “on a different footing . . . [my] roots grasped a new soil” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 12)
END OF QUOTE
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This plant growing analogy is much too pretty, graceful, or patient to be applicable to my first days in the rooms. Roots of reality found depth in the broken soil of grief and great spiritual loss. If I resist the very real temptation to rip up what has taken root, to allow the young plant to strengthen, I will begin to experience the tasty fruit of the program. It is the fact that the plant feeds my internal hunger that motivates me to water and tend it. As an unseen by-product of this silent growth, the soil of my sanity is held in place.
Daily Reprieve 
April 22, 2014 at 7:37 am
Beautiful post. I came into AA very green — shaking, tender, willing to grow, though.
April 23, 2014 at 9:12 am
I can see how that would be. I guess my own tenderness was hidden under a lot of angry push and desperate but begrudging surrender. One of my first versions of the Higher Power was the Godfather. He made me an offer I could not refuse. Alcohol was His Guido beating me into a state of reasonableness. It was a little while before I could see Him as a negotiator trying to talk me off the ledge of my own expectations and perceptions. Thank-you for your words.
April 23, 2014 at 10:16 am
I can relate to the Godfather idea. I came in after a three and a half week coma that was followed by 2 and a half weeks of delusion (common after a coma). The coma was induced while the doctors tried to cope with my liver, pancreas, and respiratory failure. After that beating, I didn’t have any anger left. I just wanted to keep breathing.