Endigar 342

The thoughts pounding in my head this morning…”I distrust others.  I despise myself.  I hate being alone, and I hate being with others.  I hate that tasks grow and my energy decreases.  I am angry.  I want to lash out.”

Response:  I really need to silence my mind.  Drink?  NO!  Go to meeting, angry or not.

In meeting much discussion on facing the reality of life, on this clash making us angry.  There was also a discussion that there is a thin line between denial and acceptance.  Denial is not about “not knowing” as much as it is knowing the problem and doing nothing to answer it.  Acceptance is knowing the will of the Higher Power and focusing on that fulfillment, releasing all other schemes.  It is important to be able to tell the difference because it is a trap to believe you are in acceptance when you are actually in denial.

My sponsor quoted this from the 3rd step prayer:  “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.”

Page 63 in the Big Book.

Now, to get to work in fulfillment of the will of my Higher Power.

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