Endigar 307

I met with the Moon Guide yesterday evening.  We talked again of masculine and feminine energy, and in particular, my problems with their interaction within me.  Our conversation traveled to the Tao, with its metaphor of stone and water.  We considered the assertion that all gender does not limit the use of energy from either source.  And we established that I use the feminine energy when I operate in empathy and sensitivity with others.  I have regarded my empathy as weakness, when in fact it can be a great and needed gift.  I use masculine energy as well, but seem to get frustrated with the way in which I use it.  What I appreciate about masculinity is its ability to cut through obstacles of confusion and provide direct guidance.

As we talked, I began to see that it is the development of manipulation as a method to assert these two energies.  It appears most common in the use of the feminine energy and it appears to me that it breeds delusion.  And it is most repulsive to me when masculine energy is expressed in this way, becoming an annoying  passive aggressive intrusion to true confident strength.

I love the unrepentant expression of masculine and feminine energy.  It is this manipulation that I cannot stand, and that I seem to fall prey to myself.  And then I become the target of my own disgust.

I have recently experienced being forthright and truthful, and that seems to secure sanity.

The Moon Guide mentioned ground-hog day, that there is plenty of empirical evidence throughout human history that we relive some situations over and over until we get it right.  I am not sure that I have ever seen that movie, but know the premise of it.  He said this to counter my tendency to yawn at life and believe that it might be better to go ahead and close this iteration because I have experienced all the primary joys of life.

The Moon Guide discussed the failings of human will, and that what recovery and other spiritual pursuits seem to point to is the power of perception.  A change in perception can gain access to motivation.  For human beings, motivation equals power.  I have heard him say that he does not believe in lazy people, only unmotivated ones.

The Moon Guide mentioned, and this was brought up by my slave, that they believe I might have Asperger’s Syndrome.  But he said that if I do, that it is to a low degree.  He said that the systems I have developed would make some good fictional writing.

And as far as the steps go, I need to get an active sponsor and finish step nine.  He said he doesn’t believe that I need to start over.  All and all, I think it was a rather fruitful conversation.

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