Endigar 248

What do I say to apologize, not to God, but to those out there who do love him, who trust deeply in this Being of old.  I guess that the program teaches that it is easy enough to apologize, but it is the ability to make amends that truly helps.  In this context, is that possible? 

Let me say this.  I do not hate God.  I spoke from the pain in my heart, not the convictions of my life.  I am growing in my relationship to the Higher Power.  How many intimate relationships have you had that have not excited your passions, from the highs of ecstasy to the baptisms in absolute despair.  

I do not know what to say to you, my beloved sister, about all this.  I love you.  I am much less certain about the identity and manifestation of God, while being more certain of a very real presence that loves me in spite of my inability to know the right words to say. 


In addition to the twelve main gods and the innumerable lesser deities, ancient Greeks worshiped a deity they called Agnostos Theos, that is: the Unknown god. In Athens, there was a temple specifically dedicated to that god and very often Athenians would swear “in the name of the Unknown god”  Apollodorus, Philostratus and Pausanias wrote about the Unknown god as well.  The Unknown god was not so much a specific deity, but a placeholder, for whatever god or gods actually existed but whose name and nature were not revealed to the Athenians or the Hellenized world at large.

There is a chapter written in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, called “We Agnostics.”  Why was it not entitled We Christians, We Jews, We Muslims, … We Believers.  No, from my perspective, and my understanding of the spiritual path offered in recovery, for me, there is only one concept of deity that has the hope of not pitting man against his brother or sister.  Agnostos Theos.  Gomu – God of my understanding.

So I turn to the Unknown God, walk the path where it is alright not to know the right answer, where moving forward and unfolding as a person makes me the right answer.  Perfection connected through flaws.

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