Endigar 189

 STEP THREE and PAGE 62

What does step three mean when it says turn our will and life over to Gomu? How do we do that?

1. Any life run on self-will can hardly be a success (which broadens the application of statement as speaking to a human condition and not just alcoholic/addictive disease) .

A. What is meant by self-will? Most people try to live by self-propulsion. It is like the actor who is trying to run the WHOLE show. He tries to make the world adapt to his will. It usually does not work, at least not as well as he expects. These delusions develop as a result:

a. He is a victim of others, becoming angry, indignant, and self-pitying

b. He can pull satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he manages well

B. What is the definition of success as used here? Success is empowerment through connection with others, through using character traits that inspire altruistic support of one another. It is understanding that you have impact and inspiration either to isolation or to socialization.

C. As we run on isolated self-will, in the interactive reality, we end up being in collision with something or somebody, even when our motives are good. Even in the best of moments, we are a producer of confusion rather than harmony. We inspire selfishness in others, who, in turn, attempt to get what they can out of the show.

D. Any character trait that cannot be practiced universally among all people is a vice. It requires isolation and fruitless thoughts of individual empowerment that ultimately do the opposite of what we seek in the first place. Examples are the complaining business man, the lamenting preacher, controlling politicians and reformers, `poor punished outlaw, and the destitute and institutionalized alcoholic / addict.

2. The problem is then revealed to be isolated self-will, self-enthronement with a delusional disregard for others. Thus, whatever power we have we are using against ourselves. The strength of our troubles finds it birthplace in our strategies of protective isolation and practiced disregard of others. These strategies usually take the following forms

A. Building a wall with many bricks of fear to protect the sacred victim within us.

B. Strategies of self-delusion or self-imposed blindness so that we may prevent our internal reality from being disturbed or modified by our interactive reality.

C. Looking to our internal reality as the primary expectation and definition of our lives, a strategy of some form of self-seeking leading to an inflexible and disappointing life.

D. Strategy of self-pity as a form of social manipulation to persuade others to take up our lost cause.

3. Decisions based on pushing the agenda of our isolated beings have put us in a position to be hurt. We are protecting ourselves from others when we are really the source of our trouble. If we awaken ourselves, and look truthfully, we see that those instances of attack from the outside that inspire us to seek isolation, we had some part to play, some contribution of our own power that set others to retaliate.

4. The alcoholic / addict is an extreme example of Self-Will run Riot because chemical dependency overcomes inhibitions and allows our internal reality to run naked in the streets with an increased disregard for others. Our social and mental capacities are warped by this process. And if we do not get rid of this isolated self-enthronement, it will kill us. Removing it from our lives is our most important accomplishment. And one that we cannot achieve alone.

5. The solution is revealed to be a connection with our Higher Power. Gomu makes it possible to be rid of isolated self-will.

A. Our moral and philosophical convictions have proven inadequate (does this include the principles of this program?)

B. The exercise of our strong desire or will power also failed us

Damn – this one statement has me stuck…”no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid.”  Isn’t that insulting to the Creator of the universe?  He created my self and now I seek His aid to eliminate it?  And I came into this program to save my self, not to destroy it.  In context, self could mean the isolated self enthronement.  Something is not right.  No inspiration and too much struggling with words.  I’m going to bed.

One Response to “Endigar 189”

  1. sofreelygiven Says:

    Self will self will self will. So entirely sick of this phrase, of this entity of ~mine~ (!) My self will is not in the proper place. My eyes popped open to your musing as to whether destruction of self is an insult to the Creator (a concept I struggle with, but I digress…)

    If not for fear, sin would be sweet. ~Jewish Proverb

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