Daily Reprieve

King Theodin in Lord of the Ring said that no parent should have to bury their child.   My mother prayed that she would never have to face this tragedy.  I should have done the same.  My Zack, my stepson.  I hate the title stepson.  I was proud of him.  I loved him.  I counted him as my own.  But I gave him religion.  I gave him appropriateness. 

Zack, I wish I could talk with you now.  Without religion.  I wish I could tell you of the heresy of this program. 

Regardless, I am proud of you.  I love you.  one more time.  How I wish that I could talk to you.  Your brother  turns legal age this month.  Your sister got her driving permit.   And I remember your body.  Cold.   Still.  How can I walk this life without you.  If I had known the heresies of this program before you left, we would have had … I remember New Orleans.  I remember when you ran for class president with a mo-hawk and won, and caused a disruption for the facility of Thompson High.  God, Zack, I miss you.

Your bio-father was an asshole.  He did not realize what a treasure you were.  I screwed up too.  I kept trying to save you.  What an insult.  I was saved just by having you around. 

I miss you.  So stupid.  I should have held you more.  I love you Zack.  I am so sorry that religion got between you and I.  I am so sorry.  Please forgive me.

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This entry was posted on January 15, 2009 at 2:08 am and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.