Endigar 100

Ok, I’m through with that.  I feel better when I am in lust than when I’m coddling romantic notions of transcendant bonds of destiny.  How can I be accountable for a life I cannot fully remember and may not even be real.  I do not need additional forces to help me second guess myself. 

I did go out and get some Neil Diamond including his newest album, Home After Dark.  There was one song on there ~ One More Bite of the Apple that really helped me.  I went to it first because of the unusual mention in my third step prayer “Thank-you for one more apple to eat a bite at a time.”

Anyway, in this life, I have not left anyone in a burning building to save myself.  So screw all that shit.  I guess I have an adverse reaction to media that is too gentle.  I have got to get some violence and darkness into me before I disintergrate.

I also have to get out of my head.  Too much mental masturbation going on.  A meeting.  Going to start calling the network.

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