Endigar 004

1. I bare the consequences for a disease that is out of my control.  On a spiritual level, I feel that I am often punished for crimes I cannot identify, not even having the promise of being able to face the invisible accuser.  The steps often seem to imply that I must dig deep to bring up charges against myself.  Isn’t that an old Christian misconception that self-flagellation equates to spiritual development?

2. There is a disturbing parallel between the elements of behavior control found in centralized religion and some of the recovery rhetoric propagated in meetings.  And it truly does feel like rhetoric when I know what the “right things” to say are, and feel accepted for saying them.  But in the end, I am left with this gnawing feeling of not being true to myself.

3. Does my Higher Power run a good cop-bad cop scenario by allowing alcohol to bully me into a “state of reasonableness?”  This is the Godfather perspective of Higher Power that has plagued me in the past. (God, grant me the serenity…Our Father, who art in heaven = Godfather)



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